Why Do I Matter To You - A Question From Dave Lakhani

I asked that question on Twitter yesterday and got some interesting responses and some very concerned email and direct messages.

Let me start by saying this: I'm fine, my ego is intact, I'm not on the brink, and I'm not having an existential crisis,]. I really do appreciate the thoughts and concerns though, it is touching.

So here's the deal. Yesterday I was thinking about relevancy. What makes me relevant? Am I relevant to my readers, to my clients, to listeners in my audience. I could have asked the question Why am I relevant but I thought asking Why do I matter would get to a deeper answer and the public responses were very interesting.

At the end of the day, it isn't about the number of followers we have on a social media site or how many people we have in our email list. What matters is the number of people we are relevant to.

In my talks I always tell people only polarized people buy things. And you are typically most relevant to people you've polarized, you matter to them because they feel like you do about some things or a lot of things.

In this economy and when you need to sell when it appears nobody is buying (shameless plug for my new book out the end of May) you need to be more relevant, you need to matter more to people who you are relevant to and you need to understand what that means.

I caught a lot of flack for using the word why by a lot of my word fetishist friends and NLP folks. And, I'm cool with my choice. Sure I could have asked how do I matter or how am I relevant or why and I relevant. But I felt that the question formed and asked the way it was got to a deeper emotional issue. Those of you who know me personally know I put a lot of thought into my language before I throw it out. For the most part I'm very intentional with what I say and how I say it . . . or at least in my mind I have a reason for saying what I said the way I said it. And, sometimes my brain works differently than my fingers and something odd comes out, this wasn't one of those times.

I encourage you to find out what makes you relevant to your audience and what makes you matter to them . . . then do more of that. When you give people who are polarized by you more of what makes them care about you, in the language you first used to get their attention, their connection deepens.

And deeper connections is what we all need. It was exactly those deep connections that caused people to reach out to me in a very concerned and loving way privately to be sure I was ok. Ok, now I'm back to exploring my nihilist anomie (just kidding, I just did that for my word fetish friends so they could be happier today)!

And in great sincerety let me say, I deeply appreciate you for following me, for reading my books and blog posts, my videos and for going out of your way to hear me talk. I'm striving to be more relevant and meaningfor for you and others like you. If you know someone who might like hearing what I have to say, send them my way, I'd love to know them too.

So go ahead, tell me, Why do I matter to you? How can I matter more and be more relevant?

Comments

[Tim O'Keefe]

Why do you matter to me? Because of killer posts like this one. The very question is the lesson.

[Kathy Mason]

This is a wonderful article- thank you for voicing what so many of us "out here" are thinking. Relevancy is key to relationships and thus, business. Your insights on persuasion and other ways to grow are very valuable to me. Nothing happens until there is a relationship. The key is how to create one of trust and love. Thank you for doing just that.

[Neil]

Hey Dave. How can you become MORE relevant? Talk about pushing the envelope... A more understandable question would be along the lines of 'How can I slow down and starting WANTING to slow down? You tire me out! This is the thing; you don't need to be more anything. You're such an inspiration across so many boundaries it's a pleasure to have you as a mentor and motivator. You're there for the details the insights and for the cutting edge of your broad list of specialities. And on top of that you're there with a quick kick in the a**e to save us from the splinters on the fence or to fight inertia. The long and short; don't change! What more could antone want? Thanks.

[Rhona Wolfe Friedman]

Really appreciated your article. To me the question for Twitter is that I see so many Tweets and most people do not respond, instead just tweet about something in their day, not seemingly related to anything else.
Is the what anyone else finds?

[Monique]

You article is the exact question we are all trying to find... how can I matter? What relevance can I make? Only by really understanding someone else who is different than you's point of view are we going to understand. In the old days we walked outside talked to neighbors and became relevant because we needed each other. Can you watch my kid, cook a meal when someone is sick etc. etc. How can we ever get back to the backyard relevance? Is this as close as we will get? If only we can have a black out of TV for a week will we begin.

[Dr Wright]

Why do you Matter? Because you are a great source of free books! Just kidding. I like people who add real information and skills to my business life. Social media is not where I socialize, its' connection with people who are adding to my skills. I know a lot of smart, resourceful people on twitter and facebook. I do not need a crowd of 10,000 to make it pay off for me!

Dr. Letitia Wright
The Wright Place TV Show
http://wrightplacetv.com
www.twitter.com/drwright1

[Karen]

Good article!